Day 13 30x30

Kinda boring today. Had to have a white t in my choices though.

Click Chicks: black and white

I wasn't sure what I wanted to photograph in black and white this week. We had a busy birthday weekend for my dad wine tasting and bbqing. I also had a relaxing Wednesday afternoon by the pool with Chase. I thought about using the pictures from by the pool today but my white legs looked REALLY white in black and white.

I love this picture of my dad blowing out his candles on his birthday. I love it even more in black and white!

Click Chicks schedule:

may 2nd- insect or animal (looking forward to this one!)

may 9th- bridge

may 16th- mom

may 23rd- celebrate
may 30th- weather

day 12 30x30

Hubby always has the funniest things to say when he gets home from work about my attire. I was curious to hear what he would have to say about today's outfit but it was 92 degrees today so I changed when I went out to play with Chase. So I showed him this picture. He thinks my chambray top is a jean jacket. Weirdo.

Day 11 30x30

I'm all over the place with what day I'm on. Since I wore two outfits in one day on Saturday. But here is outfit 11. We met some mom friend at a shopping center nearby and it is free train day on Tuesdays so we rode the train!

Summer asked where I get my flats and I was hoping Nordstrom still had these flats. They don't from what I see online but here is something similar. It also comes in leopard for those of you that liked my leopard flats.

Blogging has been such a blessing in my life!

There is one more thing I realized during this Boston Marathon tragedy. I love my blog friends. I mentioned on twitter and facebook that my very close blog friend, Ashley, and her sweet daughter were at the race that day. Another blogger that I have been following for 3 years or so, Catalyn, was right there that day.

It just made me realize how long I have known most of you. I've been blogging for almost 4 years now. I'll have to see when I actually started the blog and celebrate my blogiversary! A lot of the bloggers I started following when I first started writing were getting married like I was. Now a lot of us have started families. We have kids around the same age. We've been through a lot together!

Not only have we shared a lot of life experiences like weddings and babies we've been there for each other through the hard stuff. Only my very close friends and family members know some of the things I have shared with you all. You all are the only ones that know my whole cycle. I love that some of us are that close!

But it's not just that. It's that I get to come here and pour my heart out and say the things that maybe I can't say to anyone else and you all read it and support me. How cool is it that you read my diary and still like me.

It feels weird to tell stories about my "friends" but that is what you are to me and I am so grateful to have you all in my life. Blogging has been such a blessing in my life!

My two cents

I have been avoiding the Boston Marathon bombing topic here. I read so many amazing blogs about it that I didn't think I needed to say anything.

Until the pictures of the bombers were released. I posted on facebook that day that those pictures make me sick to my stomach.

I think I'm a pretty forgiving and understanding person. I think I am understanding of a lot more things than most people.

But the amount of time and energy and thought put into hurting hundreds of people? I don't get it. When I saw those pictures of guys with hats and backpacks on they just looked so normal.

I know people say that the bad guys in real life don't look like the ones in cartoons and movies but we've never really seen pictures like that before. I can't think of another tragic even like this where we saw pictures of the person acting out their plan.

Yes, we see weird school photos from school shooters or remember the unibomber sketch? But these pictures? Ick.

I just imagine them plotting every detail. I wonder which one thought it would be a good idea to wear hats.

I think it is human to rationalize these tragedies by saying oh they have something wrong with them. We shouldn't let people with mental illness buy guns or explosives. I don't know. Sounds like these psychos were kinda normal.

I remember being glued to the tv the day it happened hoping for some answers. But the sad thing with these tragedies is we don't really ever get the answers we are looking for. We just have to pray and prevent and try to move on.

day 9 and 10 30x30

My day did not start off as expected. The smoke alarm in Chase's room needed it's battery changed and started beeping at like 5:45 am. Then Chase ended up getting sick again. We were supposed to go wine tasting today but since Chase wasn't feeling well we canceled. I still had a hair appointment so I put this outfit on.

This is actually me after I got hair cut. My ig friends have encouraged me to grow my hair out a la K Cav. I'm even growing out my bangs! I'm so nervous about growing out my bangs!

There was a little miscommunication about not going wine tasting and Chase seemed to be doing better so we decided to put wine tasting back on. Which meant I needed to go with the skirt and sandal outfit I had originally planned to wear. So here is my wine tasting outfit.

This skirt actually ended up not being so awesome for wine tasting on a kind of breezy day.

Oh, and I'm trying to smile for Shelley :)

day 1-8 collage 30x30

So, I'm a dork and already got confused on my days but I have it figured out now. So here is a collage of days 1-8.

day 7 30x30

Happiness- click chicks

This week's challenge was happiness. I'm pretty lucky that my toddler is a happy kiddo most of the time and of course when his daddy gets home and tickles him.
 

Heart melted.

Can't wait to see everyone else's pictures!

Next week is black and white!

Here is the schedule for May! We are so excited and inspired!

2nd- insect or animal

9th- bridge

16th- mom

23rd- celebrate

30th- weather

day 6 30x30

Look! I cleaned my mirror! Now to work on the double chin!

Day 4 and 5 30x30

Well, there are a couple things I didn't prepare for with this challenge. Rain and my skinny jeans being wet. It rained on Monday so I grabbed the only cardigan I picked with a hood, the only pants that were dry and the only shoes appropriate for rain and the result was this. I have been anti yellow and gray for awhile but I knew I would have to do it during this challenge. I should go clean the mirror right now...

day 4

Today was a cool morning but it is supposed to warm up this afternoon and the rest of the week. Let's cross our fingers for no more rain! I was tired of wearing the brown boots so we went with booties today. I call this outfit greige.

day 5

day 3 30x30

Day 3- Ok, this one was a little tough. I had to ask the Hubby for advice. I wasn't sure about gray and brown. I was going to wear with my brown boots but he didn't like it with the brown boots. I also tried it with the gray booties and he said it would probably look better with sandals. So here is my church outfit. I would love it if you would look back at my original 30x30 post to see the shoes I'm talking about and tell me if you think they would look ok. I might end up having to wear this outfit again and change the shoes.

We have been running late when I'm getting ready and trying to head out the door. Swearsies I'm going to clean the mirror and maybe stop having a double chin in the picture.

30x30 day 2

Day 2 of my 30x30 is an outfit I had already planned to wear for Chase's friend's birthday party at crazy climbers. My sweet blog friend, Molly, helped me figure out what to wear and I can't think her enough for being my fashion expert. For future reference mamas these places require you to wear socks. Molly suggested skinnies and a long tank so this is what I came up with and it was perfect!

We were in a hurry to get to the party so I just grabbed my iphone. I probably won't have time to post a picture every day but I'm just posting when I get a chance. Not sure if we are going to church or not tomorrow. I've been trying to figure out what to wear if we do go. Chase's birthday party will be during these 30 days so I'm also trying to figure out what to wear for that. Dilemmas!

Photography

I hope you have been enjoying our click chicks link ups on Thursdays. I'm having so much fun doing it. We just picked the topics for May! I think we are all addicted.

The night I went out to do my silhouette picture, I started playing around with my camera in manual and finally figured out how to change the aperture setting in manual. So ever since I have been shooting in manual. Makes me so proud to say that. I love playing around with the different settings in the different light to get the right shot.

So I'm really proud of myself and of my pictures and I thought my facebook friends would be oh so impressed and at least one of them would volunteer to let me take their picture. I love my son and he is gorgeous and adorable but shooting a toddler is like the hardest thing ever! So I really would like to shoot other people.

Anyways, I decided I should post some of the pictures I have taken recently that I love that I won't be using for the click chicks link up and let you all tell me I'm amazing :) Any advice on how to get people to let me take their picture?

30x30

I have wanted to do a 30x30 fashion challenge for awhile. I recently picked out two neutral colors (brown and gray) and a color palette of red, blues, and yellows with the help of this post. I also kind of shopped my closet with the help of this post.

When I realized I had a lot of the starter kit shopping list already in my closet I started thinking I might have enough basics for a 30x30. Then I stalked Kate's 30x30 post. I checked in with the creator Kendi and was relieved to find out the rules are pick 30 items in your closet and make 30 outfits and belts don't count.

I separated the clothes in my closet that were on the second link list into one section of my cloest. Then I used Kate's 30x30 to figure out how many tops, bottoms, and shoes I would need. I am terrible at accesorizing. The toddler wants to wear or pull on most of my accesories so I decided to just use one necklace which meant I got to have more top options. I also had to pick clothes and shoes that I could wear to work. So, here are my selections.

Here is my outfit from day 1:

Photography silhouette- click chicks

Switching gears to photography today. Our challenge this week for click chicks was silhouettes.



I have to be honest as I always am, I had to google photography silhouettes. I wasn't totally sure what I was trying to achieve with this picture or how I was going to go about doing it. So I'll fill ya in. Basically you want to have a dark image infront of a light source. So if you want a silhouette of a person's profile you need them to stand in front of a light, a window, or the sun.

Tuesday after dinner I grabbed the hubby, the kiddo, and my camera and headed to the front yard hoping to get a silhouette of the kiddo's profile but thinking I could at least get a silhouette of the hubby. Neither were cooperating and the sun was setting behind the houses and trees so I took this picture of the palm tree in front of our house.

I love it! I didn't edit it at all. Didn't even crop.

Next week your challenge is to capture happiness.

What do we have to do to get people to link up with us? Maybe a head shaving contest. If we have three people link up I'll shave my head. Six and I'll shave Rachael's head ;)

Love & Marriage: Getting through the struggles

Remember last week I wrote this post about meeting Hubby and getting married? I linked it up with a group of bloggers who are writing a series of posts on love and marriage. I really enjoyed writing the first post and was anxious to find out what the topic would be for this week. When Mandy told me the topic would be marriage struggles I considered not writing a post. It is hard for me to admit that my relationship is not picture perfect. I have also discussed a lot of our struggles. But I have dedicated this blog to being honest and helping others. I have to tell you how hard it is to write this post. I want to thank the other bloggers that linked up and shared for their honesty. I had to go back and read some of them to keep me going writing this post.

I don't think I've talked about it on this blog but it took us 6 cycles to conceive Chase. When pondering our marriage struggles I thought about discussing those 6 months as newlyweds and some of my regret for trying to conceive so early in our marriage.

I also thought about the first few months after Chase was born. I always tell people you can have tons of experience with children but nothing can prepare you for your own child. The first day we spent in the hospital learning how to nurse Chase was tough and just the months of learning how to balance it all with little sleep was tough.

I'm sure you all know what's coming next and I can hear the groan of the dead horse I'm beating, but losing our second pregnancy was the hardest thing we have had to go through in our marriage.

My husband and I can argue and bicker. I remember some of our worst arguments were before we got engaged and were just living together. I threatened a few times to leave but never did. I am not a believer in the "never go to bed angry" advice people commonly give out. I always tell people sometimes the next day you are sober and over it. But the reality is too that sometimes you get in an argument in the evening on a weeknight and people have jobs and need sleep.

We always sleep in our bed together. There was maybe a week or two that Chase was having trouble sleeping in his crib and I ended up sleeping with him in the guest room but that is not something we want for our marriage so we came up with a solution to that problem.

When I think about the worst argument we have had in our 3.5 years of marriage I think about the night I was so upset I physically couldn't lay in bed next to my husband.

I should rewind a little and tell you after Chase's first birthday party in May 2012, I did not want to have a party for Chase's second birthday. I put a ton of pressure on myself to make his first birthday perfect. You can read more about it here. If you read that post I mention that I thought my husband and dad could set the party up while I stayed home with napping Chase. Yeah, duh. When we arrived to the party the picture perfect party I had slaved for months planning was not set up and guests had arrived. I yelled at my husband and father in front of our guests and my son's first birthday party. I didn't want a repeat of that. I just spoke with another friend who feels the same way after stressing about the first birthday.

My husband that did help out with the party the day of doesn't understand why I didn't want to have a second birthday party for Chase. This came up I think February of this year pretty recently after the miscarriage. I think also around the time I heard the toughest pregnancy announcement for me.

I think Hubby thought I didn't want to throw a party for Chase because I was depressed or sad about the miscarriage. He felt like I wasn't doing my job as Chase's mom.

He was mad and frustrated and I was hurt. I remember not wanting to sleep in the same bed as him that night. But our bed is really comfortable and I thought maybe we would talk and work things out. I remember it being late and I got so upset I went into our guest room to just bawl my eyes out. Lord knows why Chase woke up a few minutes later. After going in to get him back to sleep I went back to bed with my husband.

We didn't talk about things until the next night. I never want my husband or my son to think I'm not doing my job. So I told him I would be happy to have a small party for Chase. What I needed from him was to acknowledge the loss we suffered. I had to bawl my eyes out to him and let him know that I struggled with getting out of bed in the morning. The bawling and admitting this to him was one of the last pieces to my healing. It wasn't hard to get out of bed the next morning.

I think we've been through some struggles in our short 3.5 years of marriage. I always joke that we are still together because I have a terrible memory and sometimes forget why I am mad at him. I don't remember how much of 1 Corinthians 13 was read at our wedding. When I read it again yesterday this part stood out to me, "⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." I think to get through marriage struggles you have to be quick to forgive. A big one I saw with the other blogs posted today is communicate. We can't forgive or understand if we don't communicate. Reassure each other that you still love each other.

Miscarriage

I know I said I wasn't planning on talking about it again. But, I think it is important to to let you all know how I'm doing since even I didn't think I would still be needing to talk about it.

I thought about asking on twitter if people realize how long it takes to recover from a miscarriage. I had no idea so I'll just assume others don't either. Let me see if I can give you a quick timeline. We'll just start with I got my period back after weaning Chase and was pregnant the next month after that.

• Dec. 20th was the positive pregnancy test
• Two weeks later we go in for an ultrasound and are told I could just be earlier in my pregnancy than I thought. Yes my heart sank and I knew something was wrong but I prayed and continued to hope that I had a healthy baby growing inside me. I didn't have a lot of pregnancy symptoms but my sense of smell was heightened and I thought I was getting a belly. 
• 10 days later Jan. 14th we go in for another ultrasound and are told there is no baby. 
• It took my body 2 months to have a normal period again. 
• I take my basal body temp every morning and I think my body is having trouble ovulating. 

I just wanted people to know it isn't just oh you have a miscarriage and then the next month you have a normal period and your body is all back to normal. I'm still physically dealing with it.

I'm also still dealing with it emotionally. I just wrote a post about how we went to church this weekend. I loved when Luis Palau was talking about how Jesus is your resident psychotherapist. He said he talks to a lot of psychologists and psychotherapists and the majority of their patients come to them to deal with unresolved guilt which Jesus can forgive you for. 

I'm just still struggling with understanding why this happened to us. I love God's plan for us but this part really sucks! So, I googled. Of course I want to share the great stuff I found with the rest of you struggling with God's plan. This was the first website I found. Love this, "The Bible does not comment specifically about spontaneous miscarriages. We can be sure, though, that God has compassion on those who have suffered through them. He cries and suffers with us, simply because He loves us and feels our pain. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, promised to send His Spirit to all believers so that we will never have to go through trials alone (John 14:16)." And this, "Romans 11:36 reminds us that everything exists by God's power and is intended for His glory. Although He does not inflict suffering on us for punishment, He will allow things to come into our lives that we can use to bring glory to Him. Jesus said, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” (John 16:33)."

So, I guess this is one of those trials and sorrows I have to go through and bring glory to God! I hope I've done that and continue to do that. 

Church!

Some of you might remember my post about praying my family gets involved with a church. If you want to read it click here.

Well I have some updates! I've actually gone to church twice since then!

I couldn't find the picture I took of Chase playing in the church daycare so I can't remember when we went to the first church. The first church I went to with Chase and Bekah. Chase and I loved it. My only thought was the services are a little long and there is a lot of singing but there are way more positive things.

Yesterday, Hubby, Chase, and I went to a different church in town with some friends of ours.I was so grateful that they invited us to join them and showed us where to drop Chase off. Their daughter is close in age to Chase so they were in the same room together. This church is HUGE. There was a special guest speaker the day we went but still it if a very large church. Thousands of people attended the Easter services.

Hubby hasn't been to church for probably 10 years or more. I think worship has changed a lot since he went to church. The church he went to growing up still has a traditional service with a choir singing hymns. The church we went to is definitely contemporary. Below is a picture I found online. This is pretty similar to what we experienced on Sunday.

I have nothing against contemporary services. I enjoyed myself. It just was a shock to the system for Hubby when he wasn't expecting it.

Again, I am so grateful for our friends taking the time to invite us. Chase was crying when we went to pick him up from daycare which broke my heart. I think there was more to play with at the first church we went to. The first church is still big for me but smaller than the second church. The pastor at the first church is younger too. I think Hubby will really like him.

We might go back to the bigger church when Chase is older. Right now I'm excited to see when Hubby will want to join us at the first church. I decided last night I want to join mops at the first church in the fall.

I'm still praying that Hubby's heart desires to be a member at a church and attend regularly. I really love the song Loves Me Like Jesus right now. Yesterday, Luis Palau was talking about how Jesus loves us just the way we are and it made me think about how I really need to work on loving my husband just the way he is. I felt that realization and shift in my heart. I think attending church regularly together would be so great for our already great marriage.

I have to give a shout out to my other spiritual inspiration, Gina. There were a few times I got a little choked up during church and felt that well of tears and I totally thought of you G!

Click Chicks Bokeh!

This week's challenge was bokeh. You all know I love the bokeh but I wanted to try and do a bokeh with my kiddo. Love this pic of him in his baseball hat with the ball on the tee in the background.

How I Met Your Father

I was so excited about the marriage series some of my favorite bloggers are participating in. Then I found out when reading the posts this morning that we can link up! Yay!

I am inspired by Mandy's honesty for the first time on this blog and really to a lot of people give you the real story.

You can go here to read about the night Hubby and I met. The short story is we met at a friend's party and he had a girlfriend at the time but we both remember being attracted to each other. This is the link to the 2nd time we met.  Short story, it was new years eve and I was in town hoping a boy I liked (not Hubby) would be my new years kiss and Hubby barely said hi to me and hooked up with another girl.

Our love story really began when we met the third time. We hung out a friend's house and Hubby and his best friend were flirting with me. Most people don't know the part about hubby and his best friend both flirting with me. A lot of people don't know that the best friend and I did a little making out :/. Hubby didn't know about that for awhile into our relationship too.

This is the night Hubby swept me of my roller skates. I had been worried about Hubby still being in love with his ex and he told me that night that he wasn't. He held my hand during the couples skate. Our first official date he bought me roses and I was done. I quickly went from not wanting to be in a relationship to wanting to spend the rest of my life with this gorgeous man that my parents loved and seemed to have his life together and want all the same things as I did. I was a sophomore in college and he was a junior.

Our first Valentine's Day together.

We dated the rest of college. We practically lived together but Hubby's family had a house in town so we did have separate places to go if we needed or wanted. When Hubby graduated he had several job offers and we discussed them together. I thought the job offer that would be in San Diego was the best choice for our future. That was the one he accepted. I still had 6 months left of the teaching credential program so we did the long distance relationship thing. Some of the hardest 6 months of my life. It was a struggle learning how to be on my own again. I was also afraid Hubby would change his mind and not ask me to move to San Diego to be with him.

Asking me to move to San Diego to be with him was a tough decision for Hubby. He felt like it was a lot of pressure asking someone to move that far. But he did end up asking me to move in with him. I cherish the time we spent in tiny apartments in San Diego. You can read about our engagement here.

Our wedding was one of the best days of my life. I will never forget how Hubby looked at me that day and how in love we were. One of my favorite parts of our ceremony was the palm ceremony.

You can click on the link to Mandy's blog to read the other posts from the marriage series.

Skype dates

A few weeks ago my pal Shelley asked me if I wanted to skype. I told her sure since I was bored but warned her I had no make-up on and was surrounded by laundry. Chase actually woke up while we were in the process of connecting. So Chase and Emily got to see each other. I think it was love at first site if I do say so myself.

It was so fun getting to see Shelley and her whole family. Yes, even her cute hubby poked his head in and saw me in all my make-up less glory.

Shelley is just the sweetest thing and it is funny how you can just tell once you skype with someone. It does bum me out that they don't live closer so we could hang out all the time. We do plan to have more skype dates,

It got me thinking about other bloggers that I want to skype with. Let me know if you want to set up a skype date or facetime!

twitter fight with Chelsea from Teen Mom 2

I think some of you may have missed this today. The first tweet is my tweet.

A few updates

Even though I got the flu Thursday, I did get a few pictures of our Easter festivities from this weekend.

I was a little nervous to dye eggs with a toddler. I stripped him down to his diaper and told him about 50 times not to touch the dye.

We survived with no major catastrophes!

Our eggs last year were a lot more creative!

Chase had a great Easter weekend despite his mama being layed up on the couch not feeling good most of the time. He loved all the crap in his Easter basket and hunting for eggs. Seeing all the pictures of people dressed in their Sunday best going to church made me sad. Hoping to do it next weekend!

If you follow me on twitter you know that I participated in #shredMarch last month. I did the 30 day shred every day for 27 days and then got the flu. I took progress pictures at day 14 and planned to take pictures at 30 days of doing the shred. I hesitated taking pictures today since I had the flu and haven't eaten in 4 days but I did. I was so bummed that I didn't see any change. On March 20th I started counting calories to help me to see more results. I weighed in on the 27th before the flu hit and I had lost 2 pounds which I was excited about. I plan to workout everyday in April. Hoping I see more results by May 1st!

Let me know if you are following my blog on bloglovin so I can follow you back!