Ok, I promise I don't plan to talk about miscarriage again. I just found out another friend is pregnant and while I was processing the sting something occured to me and I wanted to share it.
Someone tweeted me recently and said someone else getting pregnant is not taking anything away from me. I kind of agree with this but last night I thought of a better explanation for why it stings.
Let me for a minute discuss my situation. I stopped taking birth control at the end of March 2012. Yes, I was still nursing Chase but lots of women get pregnant when nursing. I remember telling my sil that I didn't want to drink because I wasn't taking birth control anymore. I think it is pretty common for women to hope and pray that as soon as they make the decision to get pregnant that it will happen quickly.
So what I thought about last night is it is kind of like getting in an imaginary line. When you make that decision to start trying it is like getting in God's baby line. I know that there are women who have been in line longer than I have and I have Chase but it still stings when someone that hasn't been waiting in line very long gets pregnant. I also understand that even getting pregnant at all is something some women might be jealous of.
But all of this doesn't change the fact that I feel like I've been in this line for almost a year with nothing to show for it. Yes it is a little like a kindergartner being pissed about someone cutting in line but that is kind of how it feels. Does that make sense?
Friday, March 1, 2013
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Click Chicks photo challenge WATER
I took these pictures at the begininng of January when I was really trying to learn how to use my camera. I had seen a tutorial on pinterest about speeding up the shutter speed to capture water. So I thought the perfect place to catch splashes of water was bath time! Love these pictures!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
What to say and what not to say to someone that miscarried
I've wanted to write this post since I miscarried but haven't gotten around to it. Unfortunately someone we are all close to in the blogging community is going through this right now so I thought I should get this post up and help you all with what to say and what not to say. I'm sure the experience is different for everyone but this is what helped and hurt me.
I know my other friend that has been through two said it annoyed her when people said "it's for the better" or "it happened for a reason". If you haven't miscarried saying "I can't even imagine" just stings for those of us going through it. For my situtation with having a blighted ovum people saying things like "I've never heard of that" or "so you weren't really pregnant" were tough. The other one was a comment on my post here telling me "you did lose a child". Oh, and really bad was, "are they sure?".
The thing that helped me the most was a text from my sister in law's sister acutally. She said, "Oh sweet friend...my heart breaks for you. My prayer for you 'lord you know the desires of Meagan's heart and you know her pain this instant-shower her with peace and wisdom as she tries to understand why this happened. We are grateful that your plans are better than ours-so we trust you have protected us all from an even greater pain. I ask that you would allow Meagan's womb to be ripe and ready for the next baby created there-and that in healthy the baby grows to full term! Allow them to mourn in such a way that even Chase sees his parents model love, peace, perspective, hope, and an UNdefeated spirit that he might use those same life skills as trials come his way when he's older..." I know people don't know what to say in these situtations so they think maybe not saying anything is better. I had to call my parents sobbing and tell them I was sad they hadn't checked on me. I told them it is similar to the feeling of being really sick and wanting your parents to take care of you but obviously taken up a notch because you are suffering from a loss too.
Again, it might be different for some people but I liked when people checked on me. My sil and I talked every day on the phone that week I think. I swear my two besties had signed up for alternating days to check on me. I let people know that distractions helped. I have continued to say how grateful I am that I have Chase and he is the reason I get out of bed in the morning. So if this is a person that doesn't have another child be the reason they get out of bed in the morning. Make plans with them.
Lastly, when you see the person don't do the pity face and hug. Act normal please. I was afraid to see a lot of people that knew because I was afraid of the pity face and hug. Once I saw they were going to act normal I could relax. It is ok to ask them how they are doing once you think they have relaxed.
Disclaimer- If you were the person that left that comment or said any of the things mentioned above please don't take it personally that I mentioned it or be offended. I know you were all just trying to help and that your words came from a loving place. This post was meant to help and not hurt.
I know my other friend that has been through two said it annoyed her when people said "it's for the better" or "it happened for a reason". If you haven't miscarried saying "I can't even imagine" just stings for those of us going through it. For my situtation with having a blighted ovum people saying things like "I've never heard of that" or "so you weren't really pregnant" were tough. The other one was a comment on my post here telling me "you did lose a child". Oh, and really bad was, "are they sure?".
The thing that helped me the most was a text from my sister in law's sister acutally. She said, "Oh sweet friend...my heart breaks for you. My prayer for you 'lord you know the desires of Meagan's heart and you know her pain this instant-shower her with peace and wisdom as she tries to understand why this happened. We are grateful that your plans are better than ours-so we trust you have protected us all from an even greater pain. I ask that you would allow Meagan's womb to be ripe and ready for the next baby created there-and that in healthy the baby grows to full term! Allow them to mourn in such a way that even Chase sees his parents model love, peace, perspective, hope, and an UNdefeated spirit that he might use those same life skills as trials come his way when he's older..." I know people don't know what to say in these situtations so they think maybe not saying anything is better. I had to call my parents sobbing and tell them I was sad they hadn't checked on me. I told them it is similar to the feeling of being really sick and wanting your parents to take care of you but obviously taken up a notch because you are suffering from a loss too.
Again, it might be different for some people but I liked when people checked on me. My sil and I talked every day on the phone that week I think. I swear my two besties had signed up for alternating days to check on me. I let people know that distractions helped. I have continued to say how grateful I am that I have Chase and he is the reason I get out of bed in the morning. So if this is a person that doesn't have another child be the reason they get out of bed in the morning. Make plans with them.
Lastly, when you see the person don't do the pity face and hug. Act normal please. I was afraid to see a lot of people that knew because I was afraid of the pity face and hug. Once I saw they were going to act normal I could relax. It is ok to ask them how they are doing once you think they have relaxed.
Disclaimer- If you were the person that left that comment or said any of the things mentioned above please don't take it personally that I mentioned it or be offended. I know you were all just trying to help and that your words came from a loving place. This post was meant to help and not hurt.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Deprived
I posted a picture last night of Chase licking the beater from Hubby's cookie dough. This was the first time he has ever gotten to lick the beater. He is almost 22 months old. I pretty much licked all the dough off before I gave it to him. Yes, my son is deprived. But it gets worse.
He's never had peanut butter. Our doctor suggested we avoid it until age two even though there are no allergies in our family. We made it to 18 months and asked her again if we could give it to him. At 18 months she said yes but Hubby thought we've made it this long let's just wait until he's 2. Deprived! I eat peanut butter every day!
He is only allowed to drink milk or water. He doesn't need these things so why give them to him?
We were playing out front this morning and my mom was telling him how they used to tell me I needed to get my disneyland legs. I thought to myself, poor kid has only seen a few disney movies. Disneyland definitely wouldn't be as exciting as it would be for some other disney movie lovers. I think the only disney movies he has seen are cars 1 and 2 once. He's seen the toy story trilogy once.
As far as food and drinks go, right now we are helping him make healthy choices because he doesn't know any better. We don't plan to be weird about food or drinks. But we will continue to mostly offer healthy choices in our home.
I definitely look forward to movie nights and disneyland but right now we do dinner and bath and bed. He doesn't sit still for 2 hours.
He's never had peanut butter. Our doctor suggested we avoid it until age two even though there are no allergies in our family. We made it to 18 months and asked her again if we could give it to him. At 18 months she said yes but Hubby thought we've made it this long let's just wait until he's 2. Deprived! I eat peanut butter every day!
He is only allowed to drink milk or water. He doesn't need these things so why give them to him?
We were playing out front this morning and my mom was telling him how they used to tell me I needed to get my disneyland legs. I thought to myself, poor kid has only seen a few disney movies. Disneyland definitely wouldn't be as exciting as it would be for some other disney movie lovers. I think the only disney movies he has seen are cars 1 and 2 once. He's seen the toy story trilogy once.
As far as food and drinks go, right now we are helping him make healthy choices because he doesn't know any better. We don't plan to be weird about food or drinks. But we will continue to mostly offer healthy choices in our home.
I definitely look forward to movie nights and disneyland but right now we do dinner and bath and bed. He doesn't sit still for 2 hours.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Click Chicks link up week 3 Nature
I will admit I totally forgot about this challenge this week until Tuesday night. So Wednesday after work I got out the camera and took some pictures in the backyard. There wasn't a lot to take pictures of. We might need to do this theme again in the spring!
Speaking of which we made up a schedule for you all:
week 4 Feb. 28th- water
week 5 Mar. 7th- shadows
week 6 Mar. 14th- green
week 7 Mar. 21st- sunsets
week 8 Mar. 28th- window
week 9 Apr. 4th- bokeh (blurry background)
week 10 Apr. 11th- Silhouettes
week 11 Apr. 18th- happiness
week 12 Apr. 25th- black and white
Ok, on to the picture!
I'm slightly obsessed with blurry backgrounds or bokeh as Jessica told me it is called. Love that I got it with this shot.
Link your nature pictures up, go check out the awesome posts by my fellow click chicks and come back next week with water pictures!!!
Sunday, February 17, 2013
It's been about a month
It has been about a month since my miscarriage. I'm still dealing with it. I know physically I won't have to deal with it forever. I have faith that some day it won't be something I think about as often.
Mostly I wanted to write this blog to tell anyone that is dealing with or may have to deal with a miscarriage about a website that I have used a ton during this last month. http://pregnancyloss.info/ The page I have used the most is this one.
I have a heck of a time finding that page when I need it and it has been so helpful so I thought I would share.
I'm doing good. I keep reminding myself that God's plan is better than any plan I could come up with. Life is pretty much back to normal.
Please don't hesitate for a second to email, tweet, facebook, me if you have any questions about miscarriage. I'm here for you all and will always be totally honest and no question is too weird or personal.
Mostly I wanted to write this blog to tell anyone that is dealing with or may have to deal with a miscarriage about a website that I have used a ton during this last month. http://pregnancyloss.info/ The page I have used the most is this one.
I have a heck of a time finding that page when I need it and it has been so helpful so I thought I would share.
I'm doing good. I keep reminding myself that God's plan is better than any plan I could come up with. Life is pretty much back to normal.
Please don't hesitate for a second to email, tweet, facebook, me if you have any questions about miscarriage. I'm here for you all and will always be totally honest and no question is too weird or personal.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Click Chicks- week 2 hearts!
Sorry, I suck at life and posted this early and once you post you can't take it back. Link up is Thursday.
This week in honor of St. Valentine we are linking up pictures we took of hearts!
I have zero Valentine's Day decorations so I wanted to take pictures of Chase with some hearts to put in a frame as my Valentine's Day decorations. This was a tough photo shoot for us. He wanted to sit next to me and not in front of the hearts. So we made a collage and then gave it to friends and family. I think it turned out stinkin' cute and I love it in its pink sparkly frame!
I made the collage on picassa. I added the banner on picmonkey.com
Next week is NATURE!
This week in honor of St. Valentine we are linking up pictures we took of hearts!
I have zero Valentine's Day decorations so I wanted to take pictures of Chase with some hearts to put in a frame as my Valentine's Day decorations. This was a tough photo shoot for us. He wanted to sit next to me and not in front of the hearts. So we made a collage and then gave it to friends and family. I think it turned out stinkin' cute and I love it in its pink sparkly frame!
I made the collage on picassa. I added the banner on picmonkey.com
Next week is NATURE!
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