Monday, March 1, 2010

Stopping the good guys from cheating

I am about half way through with Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love). I gotta read every chance I get because I have about 5 books checked out from the library right now and they keep coming.

I'm still really enjoying the book. My mom is reading it right now too. We had a little Skype book club meeting and she texted me when she got to a certain part. She is enjoying it to. I think women of all ages would enjoy it.

There is one part that I think you bloggy friends might be interested in. She did a ton of research on marriage and trying to make sure that she was making the right decision to get married again. She discussed that there are scientists who believe some men are genetically programmed (they have discovered a gene)to be monogamous. There are also some who are not (Tiger). I know my blog friends are smart enough to know a Tiger when they see one. So I won't worry about that. The part Elizabeth was confused by was when those that are non Tigers cheat.

Elizabeth was married in her twenties, for those of you that didn't read Eat, Pray, Love. If you haven't add to your to read list immediately! In Committed she explains that she thought getting married was like bringing a baby home from the hospital. Nurses and doctors give babies to mothers all the time even if the mom doesn't have all the skills and knowledge she needs. They have faith she will instinctively know what to do. That didn't work for her.

Here is just one tip she mentioned so far in the book about the non Tigers that cheat. She found a theory by some woman about how a marriage is a house that has windows and walls. There are windows into the marriage which are things you discuss with family and friends. There are also walls. Things that are private to your marriage that you don't discuss.

Non Tigers get into problems when they start rebuilding the marriage. They might have a friend that they aren't planning on doing anything wrong with. But if they start sharing things that are supposed to be protected by the wall or create a window where one shouldn't be and maybe build a wall between their spouse and them by not telling them about the relationship. Then problems might arise. She said if this happens that the person should obviously stop and let their spouse know what happened and put the house back in place.

I think it is good to know one theory of how these things happen so you and your spouse can avoid putting your self in that position. Keep your marriage house intact.

8 comments:

  1. I have had Eat, Pray, Love on my "to read " list forever! I am so bad about making time for books. I know I'll love it once I actually set time aside to read it!

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  2. Thanks for sharing that great advice!

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  3. I've been meaning to read the first one forever! I have to get to it before the movie comes out. The second one is going on my list now too...

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  4. Nice post. I agree with this completely!

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  5. What happens if you live in a tent?

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  6. First of all, it's good to know that you're enjoying this book. I read "Eat, Pray, Love" in about 2 days. I totally ate it up. But then the NY Times gave "Committed" the WORST review and I thought "hmmmm...life is awfully short to read bad books." Thanks to you, I think I'll give it a shot as soon as I'm done with "Empire Falls." Also, I completely agree with this fact. My mother, the psychologist, told me a long time ago that this is a major problem in marriages. So, I just try to be very open to conversation and not harp on Neal. If he has a problem, I want him to be comfortable with coming to me about it...so I've tried to set that precedent. But I would say that 110% correct.

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  7. this is wonderful advice; however, my marriage is a hollow shell and i would like to continue to pretend that it doesn't matter. thank you.

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  8. i just heard about her other book. my friend loves it. i'm not married nor do i plan to be anytime soon so i'll wait to read them until then but it does sound interesting.

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