Wednesday, November 4, 2009

An experience I would like to forget!

I follow Mama Kat over at She does writers workshop posts and this is my first attempt!

I am choosing to write about an experience that I would like to shake from my memory.

I knew when we got married that the "when are you having kids" thing would start. It started when we got engaged. I had no idea how intense it was going to be!

I think the decision to have a child should be between you and your husband. I don't want all my family and friends to know whether or not we are "trying". I also am not going to tell people if I am pregnant until I am in my second trimester. This was a choice my cousin made and I thought it was a good one. I don't want to announce on facebook that I am pregnant and then if god forbid something happens have to announce that on facebook too. I also don't want to say that we are going to wait a year or two and then something might happen and have everyone know my child is an accident! I have tried explaining this to my amazing friends, S and B. Remember S recently found out she is pregnant and announced it on facebook.

The memory I would like to shake and keep from happening again happened this weekend. Because I am feeling this overwhelming pressure from everyone about having children, I was considering giving up alcohol and caffeine. I thought this would stop people from obsessing. When I found out S was pregnant I told her I was going to give up alcohol and caffeine in support of her. I have been pretty good, had a few sips of coke with lunch at the mall because I couldn't resist. But she had green tea, she didn't know it had caffeine! Anyways, when we all went out to a bar for Halloween I reminded the crew that I will not be drinking. They freaked out! "You are pregnant! Or you think you are!" Um no, looked to my husband for support. He told them no she is not. The peer pressure continued. I was so glad I didn't cave in like usual. It made the night a little less fun, I will admit. But looking back, if I had chose to drink and have fun, there probably would have been no one to support Stacy. The kareoke was really loud and she was not feeling good and tired. The girls were sober and bored and over the loud, bad singing, so since we couldn't stand outside (second hand smoke) we went and sat in the car. If I had been drinking I wouldn't have wanted to leave and I would have been loud and obnoxious like the boys when this poor pregnant sober lady was driving us home. I also probably would have been hungover the next day. Woke up so happy with my decision.

The moment I want to shake from memory is when B continued with her are you pregnant or trying to get pregnant questions. She literally asked me if I was on birth control! Is that any of your business? No!

Any advice for how to get this to stop? Ugh! Shaking this from memory now!


  1. I wish you luck. It took a decade of answering those questions before they went away.

    It was even more awkward because we actually had some medical complications that put us into the no child boat.

  2. People can be unbelievably insensitive. That's tough one...and it doesn't stop, because even after you have kids, the same people are going to ask when you're having more.

    Good luck! :)

  3. OMG, people are just too damn nosy. And I'm super proud that you support your friend like that. Not that many people would do that.

  4. It doesn't stop. But once you DO get pregnant, there becomes a fine line for what people find acceptable and what they do not. I am currently "in a special condition" and do not want to announce it at work yet. Why? Because I already have two children of my own, and a stepson who lives with us. The questions will ensue about this being a "mistake", a "slip up by the goalie", "why would you want that many?"....they never do stop.

    You have to squish it early, with everyone. I make it VERY clear from the get-go that I will not be finding out the gender, I will NOT be giving away potential names, and I will NOT be answering any questions about if it was "wanted". Stay tuned to hear reactions.

    Stay strong. It's all I can really tell you. People tend to think that "having babies" becomes community business. And so does your belly.