Friday, November 20, 2009

Are you my mommy?

I am reading the first book in the Thomas Kinkade series, Cape Light. It is due back at the library Saturday so I wanted to get a lot read last night. We went to the gym but I just rode the bike and read. Then while Hubby was cooking dinner I read.

It was taco night last night and I always help with the rice. He has been asking me to help with dinner almost every day this week. One of the days I got him to help with dishes too, since I helped with dinner. Last night I helped with the rice and he didn’t even have to ask. Around 8:30 he asked me to if I was going to do the dishes or something else, and I told him I would in a few more pages. He got frustrated and started cleaning the kitchen up. I was frustrated that he was frustrated. I got to the place in my book where I wanted to stop and finished up the kitchen. After a little while of not talking, I apologized for reading. It was kind of a half apology. I don’t think reading is something I should apologize for. I don’t know why he doesn’t understand reading. His mother reads but I don’t know if she did as much when they were growing up, or even when she finds time to do it.

She is a great mom. She is an amazing cook. She even made their baby food. They never went to fast food restaurants. She keeps the house really clean. Does laundry all the time. She sets a high standard for me. I hope to be like her.

Anyways, he apologized for being frustrated and said he feels like he is the house wife. He also said that when we have kids I will have to do the cooking. He doesn’t want the kids to think of him as a motherly figure! I told him I don’t think he needs to worry about that. Plus it is 2009! The reason he took over cooking was he was driving me crazy nit picking everything I did while I was cooking. I told him if he was going to hover and criticize, then he could do it. We also had to divvy up labor since I was cooking and doing dishes.

We talked about it and I don’t have a problem doing some of the cooking that I can do. Of course he would have to be watching the children so he wouldn’t be able to hover. But as I lay in the bed thinking about what makes a person a father figure or a mother figure I thought: he will be a father figure because he will teach them all about sports and play catch with them. I will take them shopping and teach them how to dress and do girly stuff if we have a girl.

What do you think defines the father or mother roles?


  1. However, you want to define it. Don't get boxed into traditional roles. teach your children that you all cook. you all clean. You all raise them and have fun with them.

    It will be your family. Ignore everyone but each other (that includes me :0) You will define it and it will be wonderful.

  2. Its totally up to you and the husband. My husband and I come from very traditional families, and we like some of those things to be maintained. At the same time, he bathes the kids often and he also does grocery shopping several times a week. I fix things - toilets, chairs, works for us. But you must do whatever works for you both, and definitely talk ALOT about your expectations of each other before you have a screaming newborn to distract you! :)

  3. Ya know, having kids myself, maybe I can give you a tiny tid bit of advice ; as long as mom and dad are a united front, showing love and compassion for each other, it never matters what the roles are in the home! My hubby does a ton of cooking and the kids marvel at daddy's skills. Whenever I work outside the house he takes over. And he even oversees the schoolwork once a week (I home school) when I go out for "me" time on Wednesdays!

    I agree with Gigi, talk a lot about your expectations before you have kids and work out a plan, remembering you're on the same team! There will always be times when one does more than the other. Always. Think of it this way, sometimes when climbing a mountain with someone, you help them along, and sometimes they help you. Be thankful when one can carry the load more than the other, because if you both were weak at the same time, imagine what would happen!

    Don't sweat the book reading incident, that was just a matter of perception of time, once you give yourselves some wiggle room in that department it won't bother you all as much.

    Be a team!

    Ok enough of my old self.

    Thanks for following my blog! Happy weekend!