Friday, March 1, 2013

God's baby line

Ok, I promise I don't plan to talk about miscarriage again. I just found out another friend is pregnant and while I was processing the sting something occured to me and I wanted to share it.

Someone tweeted me recently and said someone else getting pregnant is not taking anything away from me. I kind of agree with this but last night I thought of a better explanation for why it stings.

Let me for a minute discuss my situation. I stopped taking birth control at the end of March 2012. Yes, I was still nursing Chase but lots of women get pregnant when nursing. I remember telling my sil that I didn't want to drink because I wasn't taking birth control anymore. I think it is pretty common for women to hope and pray that as soon as they make the decision to get pregnant that it will happen quickly.

So what I thought about last night is it is kind of like getting in an imaginary line. When you make that decision to start trying it is like getting in God's baby line. I know that there are women who have been in line longer than I have and I have Chase but it still stings when someone that hasn't been waiting in line very long gets pregnant. I also understand that even getting pregnant at all is something some women might be jealous of.

But all of this doesn't change the fact that I feel like I've been in this line for almost a year with nothing to show for it. Yes it is a little like a kindergartner being pissed about someone cutting in line but that is kind of how it feels. Does that make sense?


  1. It makes perfect sense!!!! I have felt this way for 4 1/2 years. It just flat out sucks.

  2. I understand completely. I'm genuinely happy for all the pregnancy announcements but it doesn't stop the tears when it's a close friend who wasn't even trying-true story. This is the part that we just HAVE to trust that God knows what He's doing and His heart breaks for us when we're sad but He's got it all planned. Aren't you glad He's in charge because I know I am!

  3. I think it's normal to feel that sting whenever anyone gets anything you really want and are waiting for. I think it's more emotional when it's a baby. I like what you said about God's Baby Line. I know women who waited for years and never got to the front, it is so sad and hard to handle. I believe your time will come soon, I really do.

  4. I can totally relate to this. We waited for 3 years and nothing. It's still hard even with having E, but it really is all about God's timing. You can't control it.

  5. First- I can't believe someone would tweet and criticize you for feeling sad- I hope that person has never dealt with infertility before. That being said, it took us two years to get pregnant with my first daughter. No matter how much you love the woman that gets pregnant first, it still hurts... it hurts and it will- every time. It often feels unfair when someone gets pregnant that hasn't been trying as long, or at all, or when you have to hear the teen behind you it line at Target talk about how she can't wait to have a cigarette again... and you want to scream and ask God what that chick has to offer that you don't. We don't often get that answer, but we don't often deserve an answer. He is the God of the universe and has that perfect plan and it isn't for us to expect Him to explain it to us- this was really hard for me to grasp when we were trying. I have a friend who has been trying for over 5 years and it is heartbreaking. But I will be praying for you- kiss that sweet baby of yours and know what a blessing they truly are!

  6. It absolutely makes sense! I can't believe someone would tell you your feelings are invalid. After my miscarriage I found this weird pull of being happy for my pregnant friends and being painfully sad and jealous. It's completely natural.