Stopping the good guys from cheating

I am about half way through with Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love). I gotta read every chance I get because I have about 5 books checked out from the library right now and they keep coming.

I'm still really enjoying the book. My mom is reading it right now too. We had a little Skype book club meeting and she texted me when she got to a certain part. She is enjoying it to. I think women of all ages would enjoy it.

There is one part that I think you bloggy friends might be interested in. She did a ton of research on marriage and trying to make sure that she was making the right decision to get married again. She discussed that there are scientists who believe some men are genetically programmed (they have discovered a gene)to be monogamous. There are also some who are not (Tiger). I know my blog friends are smart enough to know a Tiger when they see one. So I won't worry about that. The part Elizabeth was confused by was when those that are non Tigers cheat.

Elizabeth was married in her twenties, for those of you that didn't read Eat, Pray, Love. If you haven't add to your to read list immediately! In Committed she explains that she thought getting married was like bringing a baby home from the hospital. Nurses and doctors give babies to mothers all the time even if the mom doesn't have all the skills and knowledge she needs. They have faith she will instinctively know what to do. That didn't work for her.

Here is just one tip she mentioned so far in the book about the non Tigers that cheat. She found a theory by some woman about how a marriage is a house that has windows and walls. There are windows into the marriage which are things you discuss with family and friends. There are also walls. Things that are private to your marriage that you don't discuss.

Non Tigers get into problems when they start rebuilding the marriage. They might have a friend that they aren't planning on doing anything wrong with. But if they start sharing things that are supposed to be protected by the wall or create a window where one shouldn't be and maybe build a wall between their spouse and them by not telling them about the relationship. Then problems might arise. She said if this happens that the person should obviously stop and let their spouse know what happened and put the house back in place.

I think it is good to know one theory of how these things happen so you and your spouse can avoid putting your self in that position. Keep your marriage house intact.

I was going to wait until Monday to post this, but its done so here ya go

*tell me that is the face of a girl who is just in love with the idea of being married.


I was recently asked by an acquaintance of mine how married life was going. I told them that I love being married. The acquaintance who, in my opinion, doesn't know me very well, said they think I am just in love with the idea of being married. This person asked me how I know that Hubby is the one. I was going to say when you feel complete or something along those lines which sounds to me like a cheesy movie line, so I said, when all the cheesy movie lines are true. The person asked me how I could know Hubby was the one when I hadn't been with anyone else. Like I said this person doesn't know me very well. I don't exactly know what they meant by "been with". I didn't want to ask, because I didn't want to clarify on my end. I took it as that person thinking I hadn't dated very many people.

To address the first issue I have, being accused of just being in love with the idea of being married. I told the person to read my blog because I felt like none of you would ever think that. I honestly feel like this is the only person that has ever met me that has thought this. But who knows. If you agree please let me know, I wouldn't be mad.

My parents have been married for 30 years. Around 22 I figured out that they are pretty much the smartest people I have ever met. Not only are they book smart, they read, they graduated college, and are successful. But they are smart at making relationships work. Hello! 30 years!!! I am an only child. I dated Hubby for 5 years before he proposed. I talk to my parents for hours almost every day on the phone and when I see them. Don't you think they would have said something if they thought I was getting married just because I was in love with the idea of being married? They have told me things before like they know he is in love with me because they have seen how he looks at me. They know we will be able to make it because we lived together in 600 sq ft for a couple years. And they love him. We are all one big happy family now. Any doubts now? Any questions? Email me.

The second issue, I haven't been with anyone else. I didn't start dating until 16. But guess what, that wasn't Hubby. I had a first high school boyfriend. He taught me to be a little less trusting. But he also made me feel loveable. I don't know what else you are supposed to learn from your high school boyfriend. The rest of high school I realized boys were too much drama and I spent time with my amazing friends both male and female. I learned from those who were going through drama that high school relationships were stupid! I learned from my male friends what boys thought about when they were dating.

When I got to college I already knew some people at the school. Of course freshman girls wanted to hang out with guys over 21. There was one that I kind of dated. I learned from him that if they call you at 2 am to pick them up from the bars that they aren't marrying material. I recently metioned the guys I sent back to their exs. Dated a guy that was too into drugs and went back to his ex. Dated another guy that I fell really hard for but he went back to his ex too. There was the guy that lived across the street that dated the girl who worked in our apartment complex too.

Obviously I have dated! Honestly, I have never broken up with someone. I am a loyal person. Poor original high school boyfriend still kicks himself that he cheated on me. He sees that I am loving and loyal and we might still be together. Obviously that isn't why I am still with Hubby. But it was different being with someone for a long amount of time. I am a reflective person. I asked myself if he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Every time the answer was yes. I listed 10 reasons I love him on our wedding day. So I won't do that again. Everything in my heart, my mind, my soul tells me he is the person I am met to be with. He is the future father of my children. Sorry if you have doubts. But that isn't even really my problem. I was doing you a favor writing this.

This isn't la la land!

How do you deal with people who live in a dream land? I am a planner. I think everything out. People who don't do this drive me nuts! My problem is that I can't keep my mouth shut and let them continue to live in dream land. The thing that is even more frustrating is that when I try to burst their bubble they completely ignore the facts that I am giving them! When I hear their crazy plans that are never going to work I avoid the people because I don't want to go off on them. My hubby seems to not be bothered by the dream landers and I don't know how he does it. I was recently informed one of these never ending, never listening dream landers has made a decision that kind of affects my plan. Now I am left wondering if I should ignore their dream land plans and worry about my own realistic plan or if I should put off my own life so I keep the relationship closer. I emailed my wonderful friend T today about what is going on because she is not in dream land and gives great advice and is also kind of in a similar situation and she said I shouldn't let the dream landers slow my plan down. What do, you my wonderful frogs, think? Do you have people like this in your life? How do you deal with them?