Miscarriage

I know I said I wasn't planning on talking about it again. But, I think it is important to to let you all know how I'm doing since even I didn't think I would still be needing to talk about it.

I thought about asking on twitter if people realize how long it takes to recover from a miscarriage. I had no idea so I'll just assume others don't either. Let me see if I can give you a quick timeline. We'll just start with I got my period back after weaning Chase and was pregnant the next month after that.

• Dec. 20th was the positive pregnancy test
• Two weeks later we go in for an ultrasound and are told I could just be earlier in my pregnancy than I thought. Yes my heart sank and I knew something was wrong but I prayed and continued to hope that I had a healthy baby growing inside me. I didn't have a lot of pregnancy symptoms but my sense of smell was heightened and I thought I was getting a belly. 
• 10 days later Jan. 14th we go in for another ultrasound and are told there is no baby. 
• It took my body 2 months to have a normal period again. 
• I take my basal body temp every morning and I think my body is having trouble ovulating. 

I just wanted people to know it isn't just oh you have a miscarriage and then the next month you have a normal period and your body is all back to normal. I'm still physically dealing with it.

I'm also still dealing with it emotionally. I just wrote a post about how we went to church this weekend. I loved when Luis Palau was talking about how Jesus is your resident psychotherapist. He said he talks to a lot of psychologists and psychotherapists and the majority of their patients come to them to deal with unresolved guilt which Jesus can forgive you for. 

I'm just still struggling with understanding why this happened to us. I love God's plan for us but this part really sucks! So, I googled. Of course I want to share the great stuff I found with the rest of you struggling with God's plan. This was the first website I found. Love this, "The Bible does not comment specifically about spontaneous miscarriages. We can be sure, though, that God has compassion on those who have suffered through them. He cries and suffers with us, simply because He loves us and feels our pain. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, promised to send His Spirit to all believers so that we will never have to go through trials alone (John 14:16)." And this, "Romans 11:36 reminds us that everything exists by God's power and is intended for His glory. Although He does not inflict suffering on us for punishment, He will allow things to come into our lives that we can use to bring glory to Him. Jesus said, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” (John 16:33)."

So, I guess this is one of those trials and sorrows I have to go through and bring glory to God! I hope I've done that and continue to do that. 

Church!

Some of you might remember my post about praying my family gets involved with a church. If you want to read it click here.

Well I have some updates! I've actually gone to church twice since then!

I couldn't find the picture I took of Chase playing in the church daycare so I can't remember when we went to the first church. The first church I went to with Chase and Bekah. Chase and I loved it. My only thought was the services are a little long and there is a lot of singing but there are way more positive things.

Yesterday, Hubby, Chase, and I went to a different church in town with some friends of ours.I was so grateful that they invited us to join them and showed us where to drop Chase off. Their daughter is close in age to Chase so they were in the same room together. This church is HUGE. There was a special guest speaker the day we went but still it if a very large church. Thousands of people attended the Easter services.

Hubby hasn't been to church for probably 10 years or more. I think worship has changed a lot since he went to church. The church he went to growing up still has a traditional service with a choir singing hymns. The church we went to is definitely contemporary. Below is a picture I found online. This is pretty similar to what we experienced on Sunday.

I have nothing against contemporary services. I enjoyed myself. It just was a shock to the system for Hubby when he wasn't expecting it.

Again, I am so grateful for our friends taking the time to invite us. Chase was crying when we went to pick him up from daycare which broke my heart. I think there was more to play with at the first church we went to. The first church is still big for me but smaller than the second church. The pastor at the first church is younger too. I think Hubby will really like him.

We might go back to the bigger church when Chase is older. Right now I'm excited to see when Hubby will want to join us at the first church. I decided last night I want to join mops at the first church in the fall.

I'm still praying that Hubby's heart desires to be a member at a church and attend regularly. I really love the song Loves Me Like Jesus right now. Yesterday, Luis Palau was talking about how Jesus loves us just the way we are and it made me think about how I really need to work on loving my husband just the way he is. I felt that realization and shift in my heart. I think attending church regularly together would be so great for our already great marriage.

I have to give a shout out to my other spiritual inspiration, Gina. There were a few times I got a little choked up during church and felt that well of tears and I totally thought of you G!

Praying

I've wanted to start a couple posts about feeding your kids or weird things to avoid when pregnant but I think I might go in another direction today.

Part of me is bummed that there hasn't been a great response in the comment form on the super mom posts. Giving moms advice is what I'm passionate about. Makes me feel like no one is reading this and maybe I should just get back to writing for myself.

Something that has been on my heart and mind a lot lately is church. Awhile ago I mentioned that I found out two people I adore go to the same church and it is in our town and has services that we could easily attend. One of the friends that goes to the church has a little boy Chase's age. For my mommy heart I wanted to go to church when they went so there was a familiar face for Chase when we left him in daycare. I was really tempted to go one Sunday morning when I knew they were going but Chase slept in until 8 or 8:30 and I knew we weren't going to make it to church by 9.

Then I found out other friends of ours are actually going to be starting a church. This is something I think I would be allowed to get pretty involved with. But I'm hesitating. There have been discussions about this church being 25- 35 mins away. In a few years we plan to move more like 10-20 mins away. 35 minutes doesn't seem like all that far but I want to get involved with MOPS which is usually a morning activity and that would mean Chase would probably fall asleep in the car and he hasn't been transferring well lately. It just seems far. So I'm praying for answers with all this right now.

I have faith. I prayed for 4 years that we would move back to northern california and we are here. I've prayed for my husband and my child and those prayers were answered.

My prayer is that our family gets involved with a church. As I mentioned before I want to be involved with MOPS. We want Chase to go to Sunday school. I would love to find a church with a preschool that Chase could go to. I want Hubby to play softball.

I know God knows my heart and hears my prayers but I also felt like maybe typing it and putting it out into the universe might help.