What happened

On December 20th I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I told Chase something like I think you might be a big brother. After his nap we went to Carter's and got him a big brother shirt. When Hubby came home I video taped his reaction to Chase's new shirt.

Jan. 4th we had an ultrasound. The nurse said everything looked good but I was just early pregnant. All they could see was a sac. Jan. 14th we had another ultrasound. The ultrasound tec asked me if I had been taking clomid or got pregnant naturally. She took some measurements of round things. I think she labeled something gs and something else right ov. She told me to put my pants on and sit in the chairs outside. My husband asked me what was going on. I told him there's nothing.

We sat in the chairs. My husband's arm around me. We were told the ma would come get us and take us to see the dr. I didn't have an appointment with the dr. The ma had me step on the scale. She took me into a room and I started crying. She handed me a tissue and said I'm sorry. She wanted to get my blood pressure. I rolled my sleeve up as I continued to cry. She said she could get it later and left. My husband and I waited in that room for what felt like forever. I just stared at a black and white picture of a flower. Then I told him it is probably going to be awhile. My dr is busy and we were getting squeezed in. I wanted to call my mom. I told him I would probably have to have a procedure.

The dr finally came in. She gave me a hug. I told her no one is telling us anything. I said the ultrasound tec just told me to put my pants on. She said the ultrasound tec assumed we knew. She said it looks like a miscarriage. I've regressed since my last ultrasound. It looks like a blighted ovum. She gave me choices on what to do. She told me how long we have to wait before we try again. She said my chances of this happening again are slim. Then she asked if we wanted to go out the back door.

I went with my husband and child to pick up the medication from the pharmacy that would end my pregnancy. That was an awkward encounter.

I had to tell the probably 30 or so people I had told that there was no baby. I had to answer questions like so you weren't pregnant? Will you try again? People said to me I've never heard of that. I can't imagine.

Everyday my son still points to my belly and says baby. I tell him he's my baby. We don't encourage him to give the baby hugs and kisses anymore.

I had to have my blood taken by a lab person that wanted to chat it up. I'm having my blood tested after a miscarriage. I don't want to talk about my birthday plans.

I've researched how to prevent blighted ovums. There's not much you can do. We want to take better care of ourselves. I would like to get rid of the belly that started forming. Just as soon as the pain stops. The article I read said it is the body's way of making sure the best sperm and egg make a baby. I told my husband that my body did pretty good making Chase so I'm ok with it deciding not to develop a pregnancy if the baby wasn't going to be as amazing as Chase.

We never had a due date. A baby never developed. We didn't lose a baby. We wanted our children close in age. I wanted belly pictures with my sil. I wanted the cousins close in age. I'm not sure who we will tell next time I get a positive pregnancy test. I don't think we will be telling Chase about the baby in Mama's belly and telling him to give it hugs and kisses. Thank you to all of you that knew for your kind words and prayers.